Letting Go of Resentment

What is resentment?

Bad things happen to everyone. Money problems, health problems, or feeling that you do more than your share can create feelings such as anger and grudges. Some people are able to release emotions easily. When unexpressed feelings build up, they become resentment.

When is resentment a problem?

So much has been written and said about anger that you may feel it is never okay to be angry. The truth is that anger is a natural emotion. It is normal to feel angry sometimes. It is also okay to express your anger. Expressing your anger at the right time and in the right ways will prevent you from feeling resentment. Letting resentment build up can eventually affect your physical health. It always affects your emotional health.

What can I do to help myself?

Expressing anger in the right way helps avoid feelings of resentment. These are some ideas that can help:

• Never hit anyone to express your anger, no matter what the cause.
• Try to deal with your anger as soon as it is appropriate.
• Express your anger in terms of how you feel.
• Do not put the other person down.
• Try to come up with helpful suggestions for the future.

If you are not in a situation where you can express your anger face to face, you might:

• Write in a journal or write a letter that explains what it is that you resent. (You will not mail the letter so be honest about all the things that are bothering you.)
• Explore why you have been treated badly. Was it real or imagined?
• Forgive the person involved. Let go of your anger.
• Imagine your life without resentment. Write this vision in your journal, and read it daily.

Suppose you made a mistake. Someone might say: "You're stupid. You never do anything right. I hate you. You always do this. You don't care about me. You'll never change." Another person might say: "I felt unhappy when you did it that way. I would feel better if we did it this way next time. I know that we can work together to fix this problem." Which would you rather hear?

When you know you have to deal with a hard situation, such as having a family member with a severe illness, it may seem unfair. Learn to cope with feelings of resentment in other ways such as using yoga or meditation. Maybe you are the kind of person who needs to work out your resentments with running or biking. Perhaps you could release your feelings through music, poetry. or keeping a journal. Do what works best for you.

When should I seek help?

Increasing irritability and trouble letting go of resentment can be signs of depression. If this is a problem for you, ask your healthcare provider for help or a referral to a mental health professional.

Developed by RelayHealth.
Published by RelayHealth.
© 2009 RelayHealth and/or its affiliates. All Rights Reserved.