How are behaviors changed?

We all have the need or desire to change our own or someone else's behavior. Whether you are working with employees, teaching children, or trying to lose weight, your goal is to change a behavior.

There are 3 ways you can change a behavior:

• Extinction. Any behavior that is not reinforced is likely to stop. Think of something you've done. If it was never noticed, appreciated, or rewarded, you probably stopped doing it. In some cases this is good, for example ignoring a whining child. Unfortunately, when someone does something good, our tendency is to say nothing. This does not reinforce good behavior.
• Negative reinforcement or punishment. Punishing someone for bad behavior may work, but it is often short-lived. It is only effective if you also explain to the person the reason why the behavior is bad. If you yell at someone to stop doing something, they will probably stop doing it, but they are also going to be a little afraid of you, angry with you, or disgusted with you for losing your temper. Punishment can also lead to low self-esteem, guilt, and shame. Unfortunately, most people overuse criticism and punishment to try to change behavior.
• Positive reinforcement. Positive reinforcement is rewarding the behavior you want, for example with a compliment. It works because people repeat behaviors that lead to positive experiences. Positive reinforcement helps develop good behavior, rather than punishing for bad behavior. You may ask, "Why should I reward someone for just doing what is supposed to be done?" The answer: Because you want someone to do it again.

How does positive reinforcement work?

To change a behavior, you first need to find the right reward. Don't assume that the same reward works for everybody. While praise or a pat-on-the-back are great, they may not work for everyone all the time. If you were praised in public for doing something and it embarrassed you, you may not do the same thing again.

Some people respond to "I really appreciate what you did," others to a smile or hug, and for others, ice cream works best! The main thing is for the reward to be meaningful to the person. If the reward creates a positive feeling, it is a good reward. Here are some ideas for rewards:

• compliments from others (in person or in a note) such as "I appreciate you" or "You are fantastic"
• fun activities such as a movie, ball game, concert, or vacation
• money or tokens given right after the behavior, such as 10 cents for 10 minutes of exercise or chores around the house
• self-appreciation, such as saying to yourself, "Good job!" or "You're doing great"
• treats such as a snack, a massage, toys, or new clothes (in a smaller size?)

Once you have the reward, you need to:

• Catch the person (or yourself) doing the right behavior or something close to it.
• Reward the behavior right away.

Reinforce the change until it becomes a habit. At first, give the reward almost every time you see the behavior. Then start rewarding about half the time. Later reward only once in a while.

Positive reinforcement works for people of all ages and can help you change your own habits. This method of changing behavior can literally change your life.

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